Darlene's Daydream Café
ACT ONE - Part
One |
8/2000 -- 10/2003
(CLIFFORD enters with a nod, crosses and plays the piano. As DARLENE serves coffee to CLIFFORD, BILLY is heard singing from off.)
DARLENE: Good morning Clifford. BILLY:
RIDING LIKE THE WIND, SKIP LIKE A STONE FREE TO SAIL AWAY AND BE A WAVE UPON THE OCEAN
TIME PASSES BY, NEXT THING YOU KNOW YOU TAKE A LOOK AROUND AND ITS TIME FOR YOU TO GO NOTHIN'S IN THE WAY I COULD SKIP LIKE A STONE
(BILLY enters from the kitchen area, sweeping the floor.)
PUT AWAY MY SORROW, PACK UP MY BAGS AND LEAVE BY DAWN IF I'M NOT HERE TOMORROW, WILL ANYBODY KNOW I'M GONE
SAME DIRTY WALLS, DAY AFTER DAY AIN'T NOBODY HERE IS BEGGING ME TO STAY I SHOULD TRAVEL ON, I COULD SKIP LIKE A STONE
RADIO ANNOUNCER: We got humidity up around ninety percent. One lady called in, said it was so hot the fire hydrants were bribing the dogs. And neighbors, there's no relief in sight. This is Big Jim Morgan. I'll be with you all day. BILLY:
PUT AWAY MY SORROW, PACK UP MY BAGS AND LEAVE BY DAWN IF I'M NOT HERE TOMORROW, WILL ANYBODY KNOW I'M GONE
LEAVIN BEHIND, ALL THAT I OWN TRADIN IN MY DREAMS, FOR THE LONESOME OF THE ROAD I SHOULD DRIFT AWAY, I COULD SKIP LIKE A STONE
(BILLY exits. DARLENE distractedly fixes herself a drink.)
RADIO ANN: The folks at the national weather service have all of Southeastern Arizona on a severe storm watch until late afternoon. Something's coming. We don't know exactly what, but something's coming, and that's for sure.
(A howling wind blows the front door open. The DRIFTER enters. HE has a guitar over his shoulder and wears a cowboy hat.)
DRIFTER: A long, long time ago I shared a box car with a railroad riding man, who said there was a diner way out west in Arizona. Told me I should go there, if I was ever out that way.
(The DRIFTER moves into the room. DARLENE pours a glass of water.)
RADIO ANN: Folks get so used to this dry desert heat, they forget what water can do. DRIFTER: I'm out this way. RADIO ANN: Water can cause a whole lot of trouble. But we need the rain. We need the rain to wash away our dirty dried-up sins. DRIFTER: You must be Darlene. DARLENE: Yup. You must be thirsty. DRIFTER: Yup. Tell me something. Is this place for real, or is this all some kinda dream? DARLENE: Well sugar...
I HAD A DREAM OF OWNING MY OWN CAFE A SIMPLE TRUCKSTOP OR COFFEE SHOP NOT TOO OUT OF THE WAY A HOME TOWN DINER WHERE THERE'D BE BREAKFAST AND GOSSIP SERVED ALL DAY THIS IS MY DREAM - AND WELCOME TO IT DARLENE'S DAYDREAM CAFE
OPEN FROM SUNRISE TO SET, COFFEE'S JUST A QUARTER WE GOT A GUY THAT PLAYS PIANO YOU GET A SONG WITH EVERY ORDER THERE'S PLENTY ON THE MENU AND MUSIC IN THE AIR AT DARLENE'S DAYDREAM CAFE AND AUTO BODY REPAIR
NOTHIN FABULOUS OR FANCY JUST A BURGER AND FRIES BUT I'M KNOWN THROUGHOUT THE COUNTY FOR MY STRAWBERRY PIES
DARLENE: You want a slice? Best strawberry pie in the world. I just took it out the 'fridg. DRIFTER: No ma'am. DARLENE: All right, well when I change your mind, you let me know.
NOW IF YOU HAVE TIME TO SIT AND SQUANDER TO LEAVE YOUR MIND TO DRIFT AND WANDER COME SEE DARLENE AND DREAM YOUR WORRIES AWAY COME GET A ROLL AND A SALAD, AND AN OL COUNTRY BALLAD GIVE US A SHOUT AND COME HANG OUT AT DARLENE'S DAYDREAM CAFE
(WILLIE enters.)
WILLIE: Who the hell is that? DARLENE: He's a paying customer. Get on outta here.
(WILLIE exits.)
DARLENE: I have two boys - one smart one, and one stupid one. That's Willie Bob.. .the stupid one.
IF YOU'RE PRESSED FOR TIME, GO FIND A McDONALDS AND GET YOU SOME FAST FOOD TO GO CAUSE ALL THE EATINS AT DARLENES ARE COOKED UP REAL SLOW BUT IF THERE'S A SONG YOU WANT TO HEARSIT A SPELL AND HAVE A BEER AT DARLENE'S DAYDREAM CAFE AND AUTO BODY REPAIR
JUST FORGET ABOUT YOUR WORRIES, AND COME LOOK US UP NO ONE'S EVER IN NO HURRYS, ITS A BOTTOMLESS CUP
(BILLY enters and sets tables.)
DARLENE: Now this here is Billy Joe! Mama's pride and joy. Ain't he 'bout the handsomest young pony-boy you ever see'd? DRIFTER: I'd say so, yes ma'am. DARLENE: Well, Billy Joe Stupendous - say something... BILLY: . . . something. DARLENE:
GET YOU A HOT FUDGE SUNDAE ON A SATURDAY NIGHT AND OIL FOR YOUR CHEVROLET CATCH UP ON THE LATEST NEWS AND HEAR THE GREATEST BLUES GIVE US A SHOUT AND COME HANG OUT AT DARLENE'S DAYDREAM CAFE WHERE WE DAYDREAM OUR WORRIES AWAY
DARLENE: What'll it be? Eggs and bacon this morning? DRIFTER: No, thank you. Can't stay here long. I'm just driftin' through. DARLENE: You can't drift through the American Southwest on an empty stomach! BILLY: That guitar has got to be the prettiest I've seen. DRIFTER: Maybe another glass of water's all, and I'll be heading. DARLENE: Billy Joe Stupendous go fire up a Darlene's Deluxe Special Breakfast - number five. BILLY: Comin right up.
(BILLY exits to the kitchen. DRIFTER begins to play. CLIFFORD joins.)
DRIFTER: (to Clifford) Good Morning. DARLENE: That's Clifford my piano man. He don't never say nothin. He's the strong, silent type. Wandered in here off the desert one day - just like you - wandered in looking for something to eat. That's going on ten years now, and he's been here ever since. Don't say a word though. Just plays the piano. DRIFTER:
THERE'S NOWHERE THAT I GOTTA BE, AND NOTHIN I GOT TO DO THERE'S NOWHERE THAT I GOTTA BE, AND NOTHIN I GOT TO DO THERE'S NO ONE HERE THAT KNOWS ME I'M JUST A STRANGER PASSING THRU
DARLENE: You got a name? DRIFTER: I got several. DARLENE: Where you from? DRIFTER: Oh, everywhere. Been to the Atlantic on my way to the Pacific, so I can't say as where I'm from.
(BILLY enters.)
BILLY: Looking for work? DRIFTER: Nope. Just lookin.
DON'T ASK ME ANY QUESTIONS, AND I WONT TELL YOU ANY LIES DON'T ASK ME ANY QUESTIONS, AND I WONT HAVE ANY REASON TO TELL YOU ANY LITTLE DIRTY WHITE LIES I DON'T HAVE ANY ANSWERS TO YOUR QUESTIONS I'M JUST A STRANGER PASSING BY
I CAME IN WITH THE WIND, BY DAWN'S EARLY LIGHT I'LL LEAVE HERE ON A CLOUD, IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT I'M CHASING DOWN THE MOON, I'LL DISAPPEAR BEFORE THE DAWN PLAY A LITTLE MUSIC THEN I MUST BE MOVIN ON JUST A STRANGER IN THE NIGHT, I COME AND GO AND THEN I'M GONE
DARLENE: You sure know your way around a guitar, don't he Billy Joe Stupendous? BILLY: I could never learn to play like that. DARLENE: Don't be so modest, boy. He can play harmonica, and sing up a storm! BILLY: Mama, please.
(DARLENE produces BILLY'S harmonica.)
DRIFTER: Jump in, Billy Joe!
I'M A LONESOME WANDERIN COWBOY AND I COULD NEVER STAY TRUE I'M A LONESOME WANDERIN COWBOY AND I COULD NEVER STAY TRUE SO DON'T FALL IN LOVE WITH ME, I'M JUST A STRANGER PASSING THRU
NOW ASHES RETURN TO ASHES, AND DUST GOES BACK TO DUST SO ITS BACK TO THE LONELY ROAD, HITCH A BOXCAR OR A BUS
THERE'S SNAKES UP IN THE MOUNTAIN AND EELS IN THE SEA OF BLUE SO I'LL SAY HELLO AND THEN I'VE GOT TO SAY GOOD-BYE TO YOU THERE'S NO ONE HERE THAT KNOWS ME I'M JUST A STRANGER PASSING THRU
(WILLIE enters and crosses to the telephone.)
DRIFTER: I'm impressed, Billy Joe. You play a mean harmonica. DARLENE: He's my pride, my joy, my everything! WILLIE: Boomer make me an egg sandwich. BILLY: I gotta get back to the kitchen.
(BILLY exits to the kitchen.)
WILLIE: (on the phone) Hello? Is your husband home, Mrs. Sherwood? Yes, this is Willie, from down at Darlene's. I know he's there. Put him on. DARLENE: Willie opened an auto body shop out back, now he walks around here like the president of General Motors. So are you a professional country singer? DRIFTER: I've sung a bit here and there. Nothin to speak of. Mostly these days I just sing a serenade to the night sky accompanied by the rhythm of the railroad. WILLIE: (on the phone) You tell him I'm gonna sell his car if he don't come pick it up and pay me - today. He's got till high noon. DARLENE: Willie, we've got a special customer in here this morning. He's a country singing star! WILLIE: How's your hammer hangin Mr. Country Star? DRIFTER: Fine. Thank you. WILLIE: Ask me how's my hammer hangin? DRIFTER: How's your hammer hangin? WILLIE: A little to the left and in the dirt. BILLY: You want onion? WILLIE: Yes. DARLENE: He's real good. Sit down a minute and listen to him play. WILLIE: I don't have time for none of that, Mommy. I got a ton of work to catch up on. DARLENE: You wouldn't be so backed up in that garage if you worked on the customer's cars - instead of your own. WILLIE: What're you talking about? DARLENE: Talkin about that Thunderbird. WILLIE: You leave my T-bird out of it. BILLY: You want mayo or what? WILLIE: Yes. And Boomer we're having a family meeting later so don't go nowhere. BILLY: A family meeting about what? WILLIE: We have some financial planning to discuss. DARLENE: Willie you can forget about that meeting. I'm not ever gonna sell this Diner. WILLIE: Gotta get goin before the rain hits. We'll talk about it at lunch. Boomer, hurry up. I need to get started. BILLY: Here then. Its ready. WILLIE: I'll be back.
(WILLIE exits.)
DARLENE: So you just wandered in here by accident? I'm asking cause we so seldom get visitors way out here. DRIFTER: I saw the sign. DARLENE: You married? DRIFTER: Not the marrying type. DARLENE: Neither am I but it didn't stop me. DRIFTER: Where's your husband? DARLENE: He's dead. Long dead and gone. Twenty years ago my husband William was shot. DRIFTER: During a robbery? DARLENE: Yes, during a robbery. Now how the devil would you know that? DRIFTER: I'm just talking. DARLENE: It was an awful thing but its ancient history. Now, how did we get on to me? I want to know more about you, sugar. DRIFTER: Not much to know. Besides, sometimes a little mystery adds to the excitement. DARLENE: So, you're just a country singing mystery man...? BILLY: Order up!
(DARLENE serves.)
DARLENE: Your food's ready. My special deluxe breakfast - number five. DRIFTER: I'm not hungry. DARLENE: You wouldn't want to hurt my feelings now, would you? DRIFTER: No, ma'am. I just can't eat when it's this hot.
(BILLY sings from off.)
BILLY:
AS I WALKED OUT ON THE STREETS OF LAREDO AS I WALKED OUT ON LAREDO ONE DAY I SPIED A POOR COWBOY WRAPPED UP IN WHITE LINEN WRAPPED UP IN WHITE LINEN AS COLD AS THE CLAY
DRIFTER: The Streets of Laredo. Now there's a good old tune. DARLENE: Billy loves them old folk songs. He knows 'em all. DRIFTER: An ode to the vanishing cowboy.
AS I WALKED OUT ON THE STREETS OF LAREDO AS I WALKED OUT ON LAREDO ONE DAY
(BILLY enters.)
DRIFTER and BILLY:
I SPIED A POOR COWBOY WRAPPED UP IN WHITE LINEN WRAPPED UP IN WHITE LINEN AS COLD AS THE CLAY
BILLY: Hey, do you know a song called "When the Works Done this Fall?" DRIFTER: Start in singin. I'll follow you. BILLY:
A GROUP OF JOLLY COWBOYS DISCUSSING PLANS AT EASE SAYS ONE I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING IF YOU WILL LISTEN PLEASE THIS AIN'T MY HOME I'M NOT FROM HERE AT ALL BUT I'M GONNA SEE MY MOTHER WHEN THE WORKS DONE THIS FALL
NOW WHEN I LEFT HOME BOYS MY MOTHER SHE CRIED BEGGED ME TO STAY SAFE AND CLOSE BY HER SIDE MY MOTHER'S HEART IS BREAKING FOR ME THAT'S ALL AND WITH GOD'S HELP I'LL SEE HER WHEN THE WORK'S DONE THIS FALL
WHEN THE ROUND UP IS OVER, AND AFTER THE SHIPPING IS DONE I'M GOING RIGHT, STRAIGHT HOME BOYS BEFORE ALL MY MONEY IS GONE
THAT VERY NIGHT THIS COWBOY WENT OUT TO STAND GUARD THE NIGHT WAS DARK AND CLOUDY AND STORMING VERY HARD THE CATTLE THEY GOT FRIGHTENED AND RUSHED IN STAMPEDE THE COWBOY TRIED TO HEAD THEM RIDING ON AT FULL SPEEDRIDING IN THE DARKNESS SO LOUD DID HE SHOUT TRYING TO TURN THE CATTLE ABOUT HIS SADDLE HORSE DID STUMBLE AND ON HIM DID FALL AND HE WON'T SEE HIS MOTHER WHEN THE WORK'S DONE THIS FALL
WHEN THE ROUND UP IS OVER, AND AFTER THE SHIPPING IS DONE I'M GOING RIGHT, STRAIGHT HOME BOYS BEFORE ALL MY MONEY IS GONE
BILL YOU TAKE MY SADDLE, GEORGE YOU CAN HAVE MY BED JACK MAY HAVE MY PISTOL AFTER I'M DEAD THINK OF ME KINDLY WHEN YOU LOOK ON THEM ALL AND TAKE THEM WITH YOU WHEN THE WORK'S DONE THIS FALL
DIVIDE UP THE WAGES, THE WAGES I HAVE EARNED I AM AFRAID MY LAST STEER I HAVE TURNED I'M GOING HOME I MUST ANSWER THE CALL AND I WON'T SEE MY MOTHER WHEN THE WORK'S DONE THIS FALL NO I WON'T SEE MY MOTHER WHEN THE WORK'S DONE THIS FALL
DARLENE: Let me clear away these dishes. BILLY: No, I'll do it. Hey do you know "Curtains of Night"?
(DRIFTER and BILLY exit to the kitchen. WILLIE and PATTY are heard off, loudly arguing.)
RADIO ANN: It looks like that thunderstorm's gonna continue to move right through the San Pedro River Valley. Rain and gusting winds - sixty to seventy miles an hour. If you live in Cochise county, maybe upwards towards Sundad and areas north, you better be prepared for some severe weather. Currently its very cloudy and a hundred thirty-five.
(PATTY enters.)
PATTY: Good morning Darlene. DARLENE: Oh Patty, all you two ever do is fight. PATTY: He starts it! I can't do nothing right according to him. It's too hot too live. We gotta get some AC, Darlene. DARLENE: Rain'll cool everything down. I thought you were going to get your hair cut? PATTY: I was, but when I went down to Vicki's she had closed. DARLENE: You mean closed for the day? PATTY: I mean closed for good. Sign said she's movin to Benson. DARLENE: Everybody's movin to Benson. PATTY: I'm lookin at movin up there too. This town's on its last leg. What is this? DARLENE: Lemonade and a splash of vodka. I know it's early, but my nerves are bad today for some reason. PATTY: It's damn near 10:30. Hey, Billy Joe? BILLY (off): Hey, Patty. PATTY: Can I have a lemonade please? On the rocks? (to DARLENE) Have you seen the paper...? DARLENE: You know I don't read that garbage. PATTY: ...cause there was a story about a murderer on the run that was spotted in New Mexico. Passed through Albuquerque, they said.
(BILLY enters with lemonade.)
BILLY: One Russian lemonade, on the rocks. PATTY: Thank you Billy Joe. How you holdin up in this heat? BILLY: I'm doin good. PATTY: You're cute as a sack full of puppies. It's a wonder no one's snatched you up yet.
(BILLY exits as DRIFTER enters.)
PATTY: Anyway, about this murderer? He could be in Arizona. He could be hiding out right here in Highlonesome. DRIFTER: Excuse me Darlene. Where's the men's room? DARLENE: Right through that hall.
(DRIFTER exits.)
PATTY: Darlene, I could swear I just saw a big strapping cowboy walk through here. DARLENE: You did. PATTY: What is up with that? DARLENE: I don't know, Patty. He's a travelin country singer...just drifted in this morning. Won't tell us his name. He's a mystery man. PATTY: A mystery man in the Daydream Cafe.
(DRIFTER enters.)
PATTY: Howdy. DRIFTER: Howdy. PATTY: I'm Patty. Pleasure to meet you. I hear you're a country singer. DRIFTER: Pleasure's all mine. PATTY: Well, you know, I sing a little myself. Clifford, give me number two sixty-three on the Karaoke machine. (to DRIFTER) Have a seat.
BUT I KNOW HOW TO WORK A SWEATER I'VE SEEN THOSE GIRLS ON TV AND I KNOW THEY DON'T LOOK NO BETTER
I AIN'T NO RUNWAY MODEL DON'T KEEP UP THE LATEST FASHION BUT WHEN I'M WALKING DOWN THE STREET I GET A PRETTY GOOD REACTION
I'M JUST A SWEET TALKING, ORDINARY, EASY GOING KIND OF WOMAN A GUITAR LOVIN, BEER DRINKING, OLD FASHIONED COUNTRY GIRL.
I KNOW FOLKS TALK ABOUT ME, CALL ME A TRAILER PARK DELILAH THEY CLAIM MY MORALS ARE LOW CAUSE I WEAR MY SKIRTS A LITTLE HIGHER
NEVER BEEN NO CULTURE VULTURE'T OWN NO PICTURES BY PICASSO I'D RATHER GO TO THE RODEO RIDE A HORSE AND SHAKE MY LASSO
OH I'M JUST A FUN LOVIN, MILD-MANNERED, WILD WILD WESTERN WOMAN AN OUT SPOKEN, SALEM SMOKING, PICKUP DRIVING COUNTRY GIRL
NOW EVEN THO I DON'T APPEAR ON THE COVER OR CENTER FOLD OF ANY GLAMOR MAGAZINES TAKE A GOOD LOOK AND YOU JUST MIGHT DISCOVER THE GIRL NEXT DOOR HAS THE KEY TO YOUR DREAMS OO YEAH OO YEAH
(BILLY enters.)
I'M JUST A PLAIN DEALIN, GOD FEARIN, CHURCH GOING SOMETIMES WOMAN THAT'S RIGHT A FLAG WAVIN, PATRIOTIC, PISTOL PACKIN COUNTRY GIRL
DON'T LIKE TO PAINT UP MY FACE WITH FALSE EYE LASHES AND LIPSTICK BUT SOME PEOPLE APPRECIATE A GAL WHO KNOWS HOW TO DRIVE A STICK SHIFT
DON'T HAVE A TASTE FOR CHAMPAGNE I'D RATHER DRINK A MARGARITA I'M NOT REFINED LIKE SUGAR BUT YOU'LL NEVER FIND A GAL THATS SWEETER
IT MAY BE TRUE MISTER BIG CITY SLICKER I DON'T HOLD NO DEGREE NO PH.D. IN LIBERAL ARTS BUT YOU HAVE TO FIGURE IN THE BIG PICTURE BECAUSE MY WHOLE IS MUCH GREATER THAN THE SUM OF MY PARTS OO YEAH OO YEAH
(WILLIE enters.)
DON'T HAVE NO BIG BILLS TO SPEND BUT THEN AGAIN I DON'T HAVE BIG BILLS TO PAY JUST A GOOD OL' DOWN HOME COUNTRY BUMPKIN FROM SMALL TOWN USA
I'M JUST AN AVERAGE BORING, NO BIG DEAL, POTATO PEELIN KINDA WOMAN AN A.M. RADIO, LATE NIGHT TALK SHOW, JERRY SPRINGER LOVIN KINDA GIRL
OH A SOFT TALKING, HARD WORKING, JACK DANIELS KINDA WOMAN AN OLD FASHIONED, FULL OF PASSION, ORDINARY COUNTRY GIRL
WILLIE: Patty, get down off that table. And put on some clothes. PATTY: What's wrong with what I'm wearin? It's hot. WILLIE: It's not that hot. PATTY: Shouldn't you be under a car somewhere? DARLENE: Come with me, sugar. I'll give you a tour of the house while these two love birds peck each others eyes out. WILLIE: Boomer, get me a biggie drink.
(DARLENE and DRIFTER exit. BILLY exits to the kitchen.)
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Darlene's Daydream Cafe
- Part Two
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